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07 May, 2012

Procession of the...Monkey Butts

In the eternal contest of Man vs Ape, I think we know who wins the Booty Competition

A troupe of baboons wandered into the Procession of the Species. As they approached, I wasn't exactly sure what they were. Butt when they passed, asses aglow, I knew they had to be old world primates (American monkeys lack the sitting pads that some of their Afro-Asian kin have). 

And yeah, I know you're saying, "But Mojourner, couldn't they just be in estrus? Does a red ass always have to be a sitting pad?" To both, I answer, "NO." There may well be New World primates whose backside reddens when in heat (I am told that this is true of Michelle Bachmann, for instance), but most of the ones in the Procession were males. And male monkeys need no special signal to mount other males, that activity having never been stymied by biblical taboos, so red-ass would just be a waste.

[My spouse just walked in and asked if I was being productive. I read the above paragraphs and showed her the photo. She does not seem to think that this qualifies. In answer to which I post this next photo, which features a primate who appears to be farting. Classy.]


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